For Novelty Purposes ONLY.

We all love Wonder Woman, but Margaret Cho's CAPTAIN CAMELTOE is our new favorite superheroine! Especially with the RIGHTEOUS BABE, Ani DiFranco, as her back-up.




Margaret Cho fan's take note: lots of little in-jokes from her stand-up routines are featured in this music video. Like the ASS MASTER and C. C. Bloom's!

From Margaret's album "Cho Dependent" filled with lots of funny songs... Hope you're enjoying your summer.

I giggle a little everytime I see a lactating woman use a breast pump or talk about breast pumping because of a silly incident I saw happen during a high school sex education class. There was this very tall, very skinny black boy who had an infectious laugh in that class. His lithe body and cute looks made him seem like he was the sissy type, but in reality he had a deep, strong, unmistakable voice that couldn't be ignored that made him seem much older than his sixteen years. He wasn't the class clown either, he just couldn't hide or supress his laughter whenever he found something funny. He was also the most curious kid in class as well as the one kid who wasn't afraid to ask the weirdest, stupidest questions, especially in sex ed. Our teacher was a short, stout woman with a lot of attitude who didn't tolerate immaturity who found his outbursts very un-entertaining. As for the rest of the class, well, we found his attitude to be refreshing and his honesty as a source of relief because he was the only one who would say what we all thought but were too scared to voice.

Whenever we would have to watch filmstrips and videos in sex education we would all groan because some of these educational things were either too dry, too retro, and too condescending. Our teacher did not make sex ed fun, in fact the more stern she was, the more tempted we all were to laugh, but we didn't dare because she didn't hesitate to put us into detention and severely lower all our grades. If one of us laughed, all of us would pay the price for it. The day that we all really paid for it was the day she chose to show us a documentary on the birth of a baby. It wasn't gross or entralling to watch. It wasn't funny until the second part of the film where we got to see what a woman goes through during the first year of a baby's development. And what was the funniest thing that drove us all into hiliarity? Lactation! It was one thing to see a mother breast feeding a baby, but it was another when we watched this mother use a breast pump to milk herself.

Skinny, tall, deep-voiced boy did his best to not laugh. He grunted a little at first, that sort of grunt-snort we all do when we're desperately trying to hold back from laughing. When the teacher heard that, she stomped her foot indigantly. I looked back at the kid. He was using his entire body to fight off his laughter. He held onto his desk with all his might. His bottom lip was taut, the veins at the temples of his forehead were bulging, and his eyes were tightly shut. Within seconds, just as the footage of the breast pumping was reaching its climax, the mother's swollen tit being squeezed like a tube, and the stream of human breast milk about to be squirted into a bottle, the boy burst and fell to the floor in a spasm of uncontrolled laughter. As he rolled on the floor, we all began to lose it, too. His laughter was a deep, weird growl of glee that sounded like a grizzly bear with an asthma attack. The boy could barely breathe while he laughed, and in between laughs, he would squeak and sneeze out a long howl -- making that grizzly bear laugh sound like it was strangling an owl with a head cold.

You couldn't help but laugh with him! And teacher wasn't having it. She hopped up from her desk, turned on the lights after she stopped the film, and hooking one of her little arms around one of the boy's long, skinny arms, dragged him out of the classroom. The hiliarity got even worse as we watched this boy get dragged out of class. We laughed til we almost peed ourselves when we couldn't ignore that boy's laughter fade away as he was dragged down the hall to detention. The vision of that stout little teacher dragging away a very tall, skinny boy spasming with laughter made it impossible for the rest of the class to watch the rest of the movie.

And how did the ENTIRE CLASS pay for laughing at the situation? The teacher refused to give us all a passing grade, making sure that we would all have to take the class over next semester.

I remember that day every time there after whenever I see a breast pump. I have to give a little giggle and hope I'm not insulting any lactating mother who notices. It was one of those situations where "you had to be there" to understand why it's funny. And I hope it's funny in the retelling now.

Anyone else have funny memories about sex education like that?

Goodness it's been over a year since we've updated! I guess that means the mistresses of Deleted Romance have been going through a bit of a dry spell! 

I guess I'll share a funny short story a friend of mine told me:

At one time my friend (not me I swear) was dating a guy who was very well endowed.  One day she walked into an adult novelty store near her house to buy some condoms. Like most smart, single and sexually liberated women she didn't rely on the guy to bring the protection. 

She found some gel that supposedly aids in suppressing the gag reflex -- which I'm sure she needed given the fact that her beau at the time was hung like a horse (Gosh, did I mention that before? Oops. Sorry. ), but she couldn't find the condoms.  She went to the counter with the  gel and asked a male sales clerk, who happened to be quite flamboyant, if they had Magnums. He looked at the gel, looked at the other sales clerk who he was chatting with then looked at my friend and exclaimed, "Oooooh child! I GUESS WE KNOW IT'S TRUE! Most guys come in here looking for Magnums and you kinda have to wonder, but if a woman is buying Magnums -- homeboy must be GIF-TED!" Apparently he said this loud enough for other people in the store hear and she soon became the center of attention. She quickly paid for her items and high-tailed it outta there!

Hey Mindsay, we're back!!!! I know it's been a long time since we've posted here but the mistresses of deletedromance took a break while focusing on getting through this little thing we call life.

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine about my favorite love scenes. We were trying to figure out if there was a set formula that made a really good love scene. We finally settled on the conclusion that it involved the attractiveness of the actors and the creativity of the writers. Let's face it, if the actors were average looking, the scenes probably wouldn't be as arousing. We also agreed that they didn't necessarily have to have nudity. Heck, I was surprised when I realized that two of my three favorite love scenes of all time didn't have any nudity at all.

One of my favorite love scenes comes from an obscure movie from the 80's called Thief of Hearts.  Basically the movie is about a cat burglar who breaks into a wealthy, married woman's house and steals her portrait and diary (among other things).  After reading her diary he uses the knowledge in it to seduce her.  My favorite love scene in the movie is when the cat burglar agrees to show Mikki, the wealthy married woman how to use a gun after she expressed her feelings of unease about being robbed (unknowingly by him).  Of course Scott, the cat burglar had to hold her body just right in order to show her how to properly hold and aim the gun. After Mikki breathlessly expresses the rush of power she feels after firing a few rounds, Scott skillfully unbuttons Mikki's blouse while encouraging her to concentrate on shooting at the target. I don't know why I find this scene sexy, but I do. Then again, Thief of Hearts is one of favorite movies.

The next scene is from the movie The Libertine.  It features Johnny Depp as The Libertine, fingering his wife in a carriage! Enough said. *fans self*

Last but not least is a scene from a movie that seems to be a favorite of horny women everywhere, Unfaithful. This movie had so many memorable scenes, but the one that sticks out the most for me was the angry, "I hate you" sex scene. Diane Lane's character finds out that the man she's having an affair with is cheating on her. (How dare he!) Well, she went right over to his apartment to tell him it was over between them and he showed her in the hallway why it wasn't! Oh, how I love an alpha male! That Olivier Martinez is one sexy beast!

So Mindsay friends, do you have a favorite love scene in a movie?

Ladies, ever wish there were videos out there made where the guys are the backup dancers? Especially guys with big "tents" in their pants? PEACHES is one of those gender bending artists out there drawing lots of sex appeal from both teams (if you know what I mean). Check out the song "Tent in Your Pants" and watch the following videos for a taste.




 
The tent so big
the tent so big
the tent so big
the tent so big
i see something in your pants that can't be real
don't hold back, baby, tell me what's the deal
i gotta move in closer and cop a feel
oh my, you got something with mass appeal
the tent so big in your pants, baby
the tent so big in your pants
if there's a housing crisis in the n anymore
need a place to go, you gotta open the door
wanna save the night, pull up a floor
wanna feel alright, party galore
you got a tents gig going in france, baby
an immense gig up in your pants, baby
the kids need something romance, baby
come on, let's take a chance (ooh)
the tent's so big in your pants, baby
i'm gonna bring my friends for a dance, baby
gonna sell those tickets advance, baby
an immense gig up in your pants, baby
the tent's so big in your pants, baby
i'm gonna bring my friends for a dance, baby
gonna sell those tickets advance, baby
an immense gig up in your pants, baby
i'm invite assuring you, connie and dean
girls and boys everywhere wanna make the scene
there's a pole in the middle and it's made out of wood
we should all dance around it, we would if we could
stop the pole dancing, sliding up and down
get to romancing, down, down to the ground
stop the pole dancing, sliding up and down
get to romancing, down, down to the ground
the tent's so big in your pants, baby
i'm gonna bring my friends for a dance, baby
gonna sell those tickets advance, baby
an immense gig up in your pants, baby
the tent's so big in your pants, baby
i'm gonna bring my friends for a dance, baby
gonna sell those tickets advance, baby
an immense gig up in your pants, baby
you lick the pole when it's cold and your tongue'll stick
so keep the party pumpin' and thumpin' and shit
rubbin' the club, legs in between
lovin' the scrub, keepin' it clean
we're gonna wash that pole
we're gonna wash that pole
we're gonna wash that pole
scrub that pole, wash that pole
the tent's so big in your pants, baby
i'm gonna bring my friends for a dance, baby
gonna sell those tickets advance, baby
an immense gig up in your pants, baby
the tent's so big in your pants, baby
i'm gonna bring my friends for a dance, baby
gonna sell those tickets advance, baby
an immense gig up in your pants, baby
hurts so good i got a soregasm
hurts so good i got a soregasm
hurts so good i got a soregasm
hurts so good i got a soregasm
hurts so good i got a soregasm
hurts so good i got a soregasm
hurts so good i got a soregasm

Seen any funny sexy videos out there? Suggest a few our way in a reply.
ENJOY THE HOTNESS!